A Happier Thought

I felt compelled to share a bit of a sunnier perspective this morning after last night's entry... Annie and I gave Mom a shower yesterday, which is a project... Phil carried her up the stairs and Annie and I carried her down after she was done. The shower is nice and hot, and we were both commenting during the shower about how good it must feel to Mom to be so warmed up... usually her warmth is a bit of an issue, being a "southerner" in recent years... and she doesn't like any covers on her, she doesn't like anything touching her arms or hands, and she often doesn't like her legs or feet covered. Her feet are often like ice-cubes and she doesn't like to wear socks. Anyway, whoever is NOT doing the washing during the shower is using the hand-held sprayer to keep Mom warm while she's sitting on the seat in the shower... she's kind of being warmed the whole time. So after Annie and I were done washing, I said "OK, Mom, all done..." and I turned off the water preparing to dry her off. As soon as I turned off the water, she cried out... indicating clearly that she wanted the water back on. Her face and head were down and she was all huddled up sitting on her chair, but she was clear that she was NOT ready to get out of the warm water. So we turned it back on, glad for the clear direction from her, and kept warming her under the water. After another 5 minutes or so, we asked her again if she was ready to be done... and she just looked up an gave a little laugh, telling us again that she was very content. Content. If we could have had enough warm water, Mom would STILL be sitting in that shower. It felt so wonderful to FIND something that could feel good to her, and how good must it feel to her to be able to feel good and content, if even for those few minutes. She's been getting a real shower twice per week, and none of us ever even realized that she had a particular feeling about it... that's the bitch about the loss of words and communication, you just can't tell anything that she's feeling or thinking unless you THINK to ask her that particular question! Anyway, glad to have learned that. The other thing we were thinking about as we spent that extra time warming her up is how much she likes the massage therapy and how good that feels and how far it goes to helping her relax. So we asked her and she agreed to have someone come 2-3 more times per week to give her more massage. I worked with a nurse who was a massage therapist on the side, and I'm going to contact her on Monday and see if she'll come a couple times a week to work on Mom. That felt like the right focus... comfort measures. We might not be able to give her what she wants, we might not know what she wants or what she's thinking, but we CAN do things for her that feel good.
The other thought I had this morning, as I was dropping Annie off at the airport, is this thing that Mom always used to do anytime we were parting... anytime I was dropping her off or she was dropping me off or we were leaving each other, at an airport or at our houses or whatever... she would always look as long as she possibly could, waving good-bye until we were truly completely out of each other's sight. That always felt like such a loving gesture... to not just drop off and go... but to keep saying good-bye for as long as you could. She could be all the way down the street in her car driving away, and be barely able to even see me standing at my front door, but I could still see that she was turned all the way around, looking behind her and still waving until she was completely out of sight. I loved that I always knew she would still be looking... I though about that as Annie was leaving this morning... I'll have to remember to mention to her so we can look for each other next time. I guess it comes from having to say good-bye to family so often since we're all so spread apart... the parting is always so sad, and somehow that little gesture keeps you together just a little longer.
Anyway, we're letting Mom sleep in today, I asked Mercy to maybe not start the morning care quite so early... she's usually bathing Mom by 8am. I remember learning about this illness that it's not uncommon for your days and nights to get mixed up. Maybe that's been part of the problem is that we're expecting she's going to get tired and go to sleep when we do! Maybe she needs to be on a different scheduled.
Love to you all.