Sunday Morning, 12/7

Did I say this already? Life is better when my sister is here! I took Annie and Eric to the airport last night after their nice long stay. Annie's not planning on coming back until her winter break starts sometime after the 19th. My Mom always had a saying "take a movie in your head"... or "I just had a movie in my head". Mostly she'd be talking to my kids about how they were doing something dangerous... and she'd say "ya know, I just had a movie in my head that you were climbing upon top of that table and then the table fell over and you got really hurt!"... stuff like that. But it was such a funny notion to everybody... having a movie in your head... that it started meaning other things. Anyway, I've tried to be conscious about taking movies in my head of what goes on here, little snapshots of things that happen that I want to try to hold on to later and remember. It seems that a lot of them happen when Annie and I are both taking care of Mom. We'll be working together to get Mom dressed and ready for a walk and we'll each have a sock in our hands and will be standing next to each other each putting a sock on Mom's foot, I'll quick try to take a picture of that sweet moment. I think once you consciously take a picture of a memory, you're more likely to be able to hold on to it. I thought about taking a picture of Adam blowing up the rubber glove with his nose, but it turns out I didn't even have to... I think it's permanently etched itself whether I like it or not.
Anyway, Mom had a tough day yesterday and last night, it seems funny now that my last entry was that things were seeming quiet. Wish I had taken THAT picture in my head! Saturday night was totally sleepless, yesterday day was totally sleepless and when I got back from the airport last night, Mom actually conveyed to me that she felt like she was "suffering". She was just way too tense, crying out in distress and sheer agony, unable to regroup or relax. The relaxation is becoming more and more elusive unless she's medicated. At least she's open and welcoming to the medication... but as we go, the medication itself needs to be adjusted to be stronger or different to keep achieving the same level of comfort. We're going to consult the doctor tomorrow and see if he can recommend something a little stronger than Ativan, but not as strong as morphine... the only reason we have morphine here is that the hospice provides it in a symptom relief kit each time a patient goes on hospice. Aunt Martha was talking yesterday about when Mom's mother died and how effective it was to use Demerol... it reminded us that there are lots of medications in the middle that might not be so sedating. We'll look into that.
Adam and his family are coming for the day today, maybe Adam will get a chance to beef up our mural a little. He'll probably give a hand with the lift to the shower.
Going out with the girls this morning and Phil's mother to breakfast and to get our Christmas tree. That'll be nice for Mom to look at once it's up... it's going to sit right in front of her chair in the living room.