Wednesday morning

Adam spent some time yesterday evening, and Annie and Eric (her fiance) arrived around 10pm last night. Annie and I slept in with Mom and I don't think any of us slept all night. At one point, it seemed that she was going to start having the same kind of hard time that she had the night before, Annie and I were trying to ask her if she felt like she was having a hard time breathing because she certainly LOOKED like she was struggling a great deal. She kept herself awake all night... as I think happens with this illness, insomnia is common... people with ALS are scared to let themselves relax too much because they're scared they'll stop breathing. She has to stay alert and keep making herself breathe... it's actually really horrible to watch and it's hard to not feel that she's suffering. Anyway, the night went like that, we were all awake all night, but then today she's seeming more like her normal self of 2 days ago... with maybe slightly more labored breathing, but alert and answering questions and everything. Very strange. The same nurse that came yesterday is coming back this morning so Annie and I are anxious to hear her take on this turnaround. It's hard to imagine that someone could look like Mom looked yesterday and then completely turn a corner. Maybe this is her "rally" day... not sure. But Annie and I were able to share with each other how conflicted we both felt yesterday... certainly terrified to think that Mom's life could be coming to an end, but at the same time... a bit relieved to think that she doesn't have to go on like this anymore. It's kind of crazy to feel both of those things, without feeling guilty or cold or heartless. It's just that we know this doesn't have a happy outcome and we know that this is no longer the Laura, Mom, Babe or Nonny that we have all known. Annie's trying to decide whether to stay till the weekend as planned or go home and come back. Adam is planning on coming back tonight. Will try to update after the nurse visits.